Germ Waste Management

I rarely get sick, and I'm proud of that fact and the reason for it. Although some people find it gross or even repulsive, ask them what they think about it when they're huddled over a toilet bowl with the stomach flu. The reason that I rarely get sick is because I'm very tempered from germs -- meaning, my body has a lot of experience in handling germ situations. In fact, my body is a professional when it comes to Germ Waste Management, straight up Tony Soprano style. Bada bing, bada bang!

As a kid I didn't wash my hands every hour on the hour (like some parents encourage their kids to do), or even every time I used the bathroom. I washed my hands only when they were really filthy. I "cleaned-out" my nose whenever I felt like it needed some attention. When I dropped food on the floor I would pick it up and eat it, most of the time without "wiping it off."

Although, growing up, I didn't know a thing about Charles Darwin, or human evolution for that matter. I know now that human beings have survived and evolved into a species well-capable of handling viruses and other illnesses. It's those who for much of their lives are not exposed to many (or any) germs and viruses whose insides are liquidated when they finally are. Evolution would allow for these people to die off quickly, never to have their own "germ-virgin" children. Modern medicine has changed that, unfortunately.

By practicing my method of non-cleanliness, I've afforded my body ample time to learn, re-learn, practice, and perfect its natural process of germ-elimination.

Now, don't get me wrong, about once a year some super-hybrid-cyborg-virus will ambush my white blood cells while they are resting peacefully, catching them off-guard. When that happens, it generally takes them a day or so to mobilize their forces and kick the shit out of the invaders.

My advice to those who don't like the inconvenience of being sick with a cold, the flu, et cetera: don't be so goddamn clean! Don't wash your hands more than two or three times a day; don't throw away perfectly good (or better) food just because it also falls under the laws of gravity; and don't recoil in disgust when someone sneezes or coughs near you.

Get plenty of exercise and rest (and vitamins if you think you need them), and you'll be just fine...every day!